Forgiveness

The clock reads 4 AM and once again I am unable to sleep. The snow continues to fall and the wind batters the side of the house. I mentally run through a checklist of things I wanted to complete (but didn’t) before the snow flew.

I think of the many opportunities I passed up to prepare for the first snow fall of the year and quickly feel inadequate once again. A feeling as of late, I have become too familiar with.

The silence in the house seems to comfort me as I sit in the dark with my contented canine friend in my lap. I allow myself to melt into a dream state. Almost like watching a movie I imagine Peter and the other Apostles waiting for Jesus to tell them why He had called this special supper.

The room is dimly lit with candles and leftovers are scattered a crossed a table. Low rumbles begin at one end of the table about which of the apostles is the greatest. Jesus addresses the issue and the room grows still. He then turns and speaks to Peter:

Peter, Satan has demanded the right to test each one of you, as a farmer does when he separates wheat from the husks. But Peter, I have prayed that your faith will be strong. And when you have come back to me, help the others.

Peter: Lord, I am ready to go with you to jail and even to die with you.

Jesus: Peter, before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will say three times that you do not know me.

Was this a correction from Jesus to Peter? Was Jesus warning Peter of pride?

Or, was this a loving reminder to Peter that, no matter what the future may bring. No matter how many times Peter falls short of his task or duty Jesus loves him and forgiveness is already present? We find that Jesus says to Peter “and when you come back to me”. Not, if you come back to me. Had Jesus forgiven Peter even before the act?

I ponder the many times I knew exactly what I should do in a situation and yet went totally the opposite direction. Did Jesus know when He accepted me that I would later fall? I think I tend to believe Jesus loves me because I am good and because I have earned his love. I have slowly and I do mean slowly come to grips with the fact that I will never deserve His love or his forgiveness. Yet He loves me. He loves me in spite of what I do.

I think Jesus was telling Peter that he knows what was going to happen and it has already been forgiven. It is as if Jesus says; don’t carry your failures, because I don’t.

So does this mean that I can continue sinning because He has already forgiven me? Not at all. Why would we choose to return to sin once we have tasted the goodness of the Father? Why would we become a slave once again to sin and wickedness?

Romans 6 tells us that when we were Baptized in water we were buried with Christ and when we come out of the water we rise up new just as Christ arose from the dead. We die with Him and as He was raised we emerge from the water a new creature.

So rather than being concerned with whether this or that is a sin. Focus on becoming more like Christ. The Bible (New Testament) shows us so many ways to be like Him.

So, sitting here in the dark I must admit that I will never be good enough to deserve the gift of love from the father. But, I will strive to know Him better by reading His word and working on myself to be more like Him.

Isn’t it a great feeling to know that we will never have to earn Gods love? I can rest in that. I can feel safe in knowing that my faith in God is stable. That He watches over me and guides me as I seek to know Him better. So I will rest in Gods love just like my little canine friend here on my lap.

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Remember to always ride the Narrow Road and stop in and see us again.
-Larry